my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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