anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
