we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
