Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
