Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
