thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
