I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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