Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
