puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
