i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i out mim tonsoeep
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
