You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
