Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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