Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
