Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
