sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
