I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
