speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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