I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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