is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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