dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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