I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
