I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
