You smell like stripper and shame
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
