I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
