oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
