It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
