He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
