Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
