shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
