Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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