Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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