She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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