girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
