If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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