Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
