I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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