I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
