when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize