How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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