I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
