Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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