just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can I color on your dick again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
