she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were trust falling into bushes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
