ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
