Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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