So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
