I think i peed on brittanys purse
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm really busy with my period
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