I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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