why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
