i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
