Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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