listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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