mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
