nut hugger
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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