i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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