I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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