It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize