you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize