I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
farters have to be the big spoon...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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