i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How external is "for external use only"?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
