I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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