I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
