I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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