would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
