It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As shirtless as possible
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
