is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
