Sry I called you an 8
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
