so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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