have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
