how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize